Section
Pepperdine Links
Online Publications
What is with “the man” lately? Boo. Hiss. I’m all about anarchy at this point. Big brother needs to lay-off a little. Yet, as the Smashing Pumpkins so accurately put it, “despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.” True. So true. I got pulled over last week for the first time and it was just as I imagined: I’d rather have spent my time swishing my mouth out with kerosene while practicing to breath fire for my Venice Beach debut.
According to Tom Petty, “Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long.” Apparently Officer Friendly wasn’t a huge Petty fan. Maybe it’s because I was actually on a side street during the day. Or maybe it’s because I made an illegal left-hand turn and was going approximately 30 mph over the speed limit. These are minor details.
Same day, second run in with the law occurs involving a parking infraction due to an obnoxious fire hydrant. I don’t really want to talk about it, but the hydrant was definitely in the wrong. So what’s up with the conspiracy? Why are “they” out to get me? I’m just trying to live my life. The cops need to get off my case.
“American Idol” also needs to take a hint. I blame this show single-handedly for the majority of society’s problems. What is our morbid fascination with watching people with absolutely no talent? Back in the day, music meant something. Even if the singer’s voice wasn’t smooth as butter, at least the message made you want to listen (think Bob Dylan). So what if I wasn’t technically in existence then? The wanna-be singers on that show make me wish I wasn’t technically in existence now.
Actually, I’m not sure who are worse: the people on the show or the millions who tune in to watch it. Don’t get me wrong, I love reality televison as much as the next person (all right, probably more so) but this one is as bad as it gets. Do we really need another idol anyhow?
My idolatry is being wasted on many more important things: sleep, Henna tattoos, flan, pandas, garden gnomes that steal cheese while chasing bicycles, etc. Sorry, “teens with dreams” just didn’t make my top-10 list on the worship factor this year. Try again in 2006. Actually, no, I’ll probably just spit in your general direction.
Perhaps the show is just another tool in the government’s enormous shed of deception. Think we really landed on the moon? Think again. Think there aren’t aliens among us? You poor fool. Think “American Idol” isn’t brainwashing you? I wouldn’t be so sure. I haven’t caught on yet to what it is we’re getting brainwashed into doing, but it must be bad if Ryan Seacrest is involved.
Of course I’m sure no one here at such a fine establishment would stoop to watch such mindless entertainment. But, for those of you who secretly tune in, I can only relate it to running into a stranger who has a booger hanging out their nose. Sometimes you just can’t help but stare. The time has now come to dust yourselves off, hand them a tissue and keep on walking. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
This week an oil spill off the coast of San Diego has been making life hard on marine life in the area. Sea World has been treating birds who have been on the verge of death. Obviously these birds knew too much. An occurance known only as the “Ventura Mystery Spill” has got to be a covert operation to silence the truth. Stumbling upon government scandals can run you amuck. Literally.
All this shady business has got me wondering who to trust these days. I’ve already learned the hard way not to trust my instincts which told me I could turn left, speed and get away with it. I’ve also learned that fire hydrants are compulsive liars. Who would’ve guessed? Not I. How many more lives will be misled by the unstoppable force of this season’s “American Idol”? Only time will tell. Or, if I’m lucky enough, I might just be told the real story from a little bird.
So, you’re a government spy sent to shut me up? I had a hunch you were coming. E-mail me at jlyang@pepperrdine.edu
Submitted 01-27-2005
MALIBU, CA
