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Forget buying stress balls or paying for massages — buy the book “Dianetics” by L. Ron Hubbard. The creator of Scientology, Hubbard, wrote the book, which has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide.
The Church of Scientology tried to sell a few more copies to my suitemates and me this weekend in Laguna Beach. This all started with the offer of a stress test from church members wearing flashy yellow T-shirts.
Instead of filling out a survey or test we were given hollow metal cans to hold in each hand. The cans were hooked up to a machine that looked like it was from a 1950 science fiction movie, which looked like something from one of Hubbard’s novels/books.
Jackie, my stress test administrator, calibrated the device and proceeded to tell me to simply think about stressful things going on in my life. When a little needle monitoring my thoughts went to the stress side she would get excited and ask what I was thinking about right then.
This stress test quickly seemed to turn into a date with Jackie who wanted to know my thoughts. On this date I was supposed to buy Hubbard’s book instead of dinner.
Despite the claims made by church members, that this book would relieve stress, my suitemates and I did not spend the $8.50 required to learn the secrets of Scientology.
The selling pitch was that many successful people such as, John Travolta, Kristie Allie and Tom Cruise, used the book. It is still beyond me how reading a 676-page book will make all the stress in my life disappear or make me a bad actor. An interesting fact I learned when researching Scientology is that Travolta uses the church to pick what movies he should do and Hubbard also wrote a book called “Battlefield Earth.”
I’m still interested in reading the book some day for my own curious purposes, not to join the likes of everyone’s favorite Scientologist, Cruise.
Our generation is the whining generation. Just look at one of my favorite songs from the Broadway show “Avenue Q” called “It sucks to be me.” This is a song about 20 somethings complaining how rough their lives are.
All Pepperdine students are stressed to some extent: it’s called life. Instead of focusing our energy on whining to our friends, professors and parents, find what works for you and deal with it like the mature college student you should be. Everyone’s busy, stressed and tired so take a run around the track and move on.
Dianetics may have the answers to solving stress for my recent date, Jackie, but I’ll stick to taking a walk to clear my head before going back to editing stories for this newspaper.
Submitted 01-26-2006
MALIBU, CA
